Image in the Mirror
The image in the mirror seems different
But sublime days arrive when you know
Viewer, image, and mirror are one: the same
Silent calm eternal shimmering.
– Jalal-ud-Din Rumi
I’ve been trying to deny that it is time for me to be the one that I have been waiting for. I believe in prayer because I believe that the universe is made of prayers and that I am made of my own prayers. May I be peaceful. I’m asking myself to shift from my egoic way of running myself down and instead cut myself some slack and come into knowing that I deserve peace. I deserve peace today, and not tomorrow, and not in some kind of heaven. Now. I like metta, but I like to tell rather than ask it more times than often. I am peaceful.
Who am I asking or telling? Who I talking to? Not minnie me, my ego. Not the me that is waiting and wishing and yearning for the peaceful day to come to me. My ego hears and is transformed by all of this, but it is not her that I am talking directly to. On many days, she is the one who is saying, “I am peaceful, I am love.” On most days she wants desperately to believe it. Nor am I asking the part of the illusion that has me sitting and waiting for God with a capital G to DO SOMETHING.
I am asking the one that knows and knows that she knows, an eternalness in close proximity to the one who listens and watches. She may be the one who watches and listens. I don’t know. I’m not sure it matters. I know about a wave that wets my feet when I stand by the ocean, but I don’t know the ocean.
I meet with resistance that minnie me puts out. This is when I try to escape Fierce Presence and knowingness by saying:
Oh my hell.
This can’t be happening.
I don’t recall asking for this. The universe got my order wrong.
How can this be fair?
It’s too hard.
Although I am Fierce with Presence, I’m not fierce with minnie me, nor am I fierce with her fear or her reactions or her human frailties. Fierce Presence does not mean being fiercely angry with these tenancies in myself or angry with anything or any situation.
Fierce Presence means not backing off from being present with every raging emotional state that comes from nowhere, that comes from the atmosphere, or somewhere in the world, or vibes out there that act like they want to take up residence in me. And they do seem to come from nowhere. I attach these emotions to conditions in my life, and start spinning stories that go on and on.
2013 is the time to heal this pain, these emotional states that come on us like muggers, or big-assed earthquakes. This is our classroom… standing in their presence with our Fierce Presence and observing our reactions from a place that knows that we are neither the emotional states, nor are we our reaction to them.
We are only our eternal self that watches the goings on, and we have this opportunity to let that eternal self shine through, right there in the midst of our lives, our trials, our impossible battles, our raging egos, the unresolved pain of our lives, and the pain from the lives of our ancestors. We give this unresolved pain a dose of our Fierce Presence like a blessing, like a transformation that we have been asking the gods and angels and ancestors for, we watch it move out from us like that healing ripple in the world, that ripple that we have been waiting for.
Right now, I’m not this person who has grit, determination and courage to be in Fierce Presence. I do what is required not because I am Superwoman, but because I simply realize how much worse off I would be if I were not present. I think I asked, begged to be present a few years ago, and the universe said, OK, I’ll make you circumstances were you can’t not be present, and it gave me 2012-13. Oh, yes, about these times…
May I stand as Fierce Presence with whatever conflagration my minnie me ego is dancing in.
Fierce Presence is fierce love. Fierce love melts away anything unlike itself.
Right now is the time to say it. I am peaceful. Love is all that is real in this world, in this world of “I am peaceful,” in this world of “I am this love that I have been waiting for, this love that, by its very nature, I am sending you now.” Peace, out.