This morning I posted this on Facebook on a closed fundraiser there. It’s starting to get so that I feel like I should share my things here.
This sounds harebrained. But, someone once said life makes sense if you can see it backwards. If you can see the end, you will know that the things that came before make sense.
I got a call this morning from the manager at a store in the neighborhood where I was planning to move. So I made an appointment for for tomorrow, not knowing where I will be or where I will be staying tomorrow night. I did it because the manager of the HUD unit said I could reapply if I could bridge the income gap. I don’t trust that manager because he has too much ego and power.
He also treats me like I’m defective because wealth is the definer of good and evil in this experiment of capitalizing and competition.
So I’ll go.
I know that when I was too young to understand what was happening, my father would look at me and say, “I hate you, you will never have anyone or anything,” because he didn’t like the pain that arose when he looked into my blue eyes staring up at him. I know that when I was old enough to speak, I would say “Daddy, Daddy,” back at him. When I turned four he said, “you are not going to remember this.”
He didn’t understand what he was doing. He was an ignorant man. He decided that if he denied that his grandfather was an ignorant Irish immigrant, he could make that circumstance (and everything that led up to it) cease to be.
I was told by Reverand E that my soul had its specific assignment before I was born.
I got a message from my guides this morning saying that I will see the answers to why this assignment included me being sent to a situation where I was surrounded by so much blindness, ignorance, and hatred.
As we black women understand how we have been the easy targets of anger and aggression since the experiment of white and male aggression began, we have the eyes to see and know that it indeed exists, and we can know how it exists.
I know I need to get to a place of understanding. My first tendency is to hate my father, my family, and god.
People can wonder how the world got this way and can also wonder how the insanity, the habits and the conditions that infect the human race right now can ever be righted. But most who are not in a black woman’s position can’t, without our perspective, see what we see.
Today I say, here’s to love, peace and understanding in me.
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